Eating an Elephant--The Long Goodbye

Have you ever had an impossible task? My neighbor says, the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. The whole idea of a celebration of Syd's life is a bit overwhelming for me. When Syd was in her final days of the hospital, just prior to hospice care, I realized that I was going to have to say goodbye. I knew she would be cremated so we could spread her ashes. She was always the most comfortable in the ocean. The three places a I chose, were the Na Pali Coast of Kauai (one of her all time favorite adventures); the Sand Bar in Kaneohe Bay (her favorite weekend recreation area); and Diamond Head Buoy (my favorite recreation area--Hey, if I am going to end up there, she has to be there too).

Kayaking the Na Pali coast was actually someone else's bucket list item. It was shortly after hurricane Inniki, had devastated Kauai, that we began talking it over with friends. At the time, my back had just gone out for the first time. I was in intense physical therapy and trying to avoid surgery. About a year later, Kauai opened up for the first time. Syd and I went and we felt it was our duty to stimulate the economy by spending money we did not actually have. Our big splurge was a helicopter tour of the spectacular North Shore of Kauai. The cliffs, waterfalls and beaches are literally the backdrop of just about any movie with a tropical setting--King Kong; Jurassic Park; Six Days and Seven Nights; and countless other movies were filmed there. The Helicopter tour was a turning point. We both vowed to come back for the Kayak tour.

A year later, my back was sort of rehabbed. We did the tour and it was more than we even dreamed it would be. Syd is very fond of the ocean, but it is not so kind to her. Of the roughly 14 times we did the tour, it was the roughest I have ever seen. I have been on the ocean most of my life on a very challenging coast and this was extreme even for me. The first kayak wiped out while launching. Syd expressed her reservation and I pretended everything would be ok. The guides sprinted us into the water and Syd and I powered through some breaking surf. By the time, the guides launched, our group was spread out and we had been bobbing in some significant swells. I am on the ocean nearly every day and I had to use all of my tricks and focus to not be Ill. Syd was not so lucky. Still, she could appreciate the beauty in between bouts of vomiting.

One cave in particular had a waterfall inside it and a stunning hole in the ceiling with sunlight refracting as it struggled to squeeze into he cave. She was taken with that. Later, (around 10 miles later, in fact) we were at a beach for lunch and to recover prior to the final push. Someone from a different tour offered her a pill from a sketchy film container (you know the old school black tube with the grey cap). She was told it was chewable Dramamine but I am convinced she would have taken it even if if was chewable heroin--she was pretty desperate. Miracle of miracles, it actually worked and she was able to paddle the remaining portion.

I think of all her adventures, this trip was one she was secretly the most proud of. While she was always fond of the ocean, this was a bit outside her comfort zone. This was a trio we continued to book over and over. One year, we had already done it twice (it has to be done in the summer as the winter waves are enormous. (This year the guide showed us the scale on the cliffs. The 50-60 foot winter waves send spray over 200 feet high creating a lack of vegitation due to salt on the rocks). That same year, we happened to be at a party and the Na Pali Coast had come up. Syd came over, very excited. She asked if I was down to do it a third time the following week (The summer is a very intense time for me with sailing and I really have to be careful of long days in the sun and dehydration).

I said no, but a week later we were back on Kauai and she had even persuaded the guides to drop us off at the airport on our way trailering back up the coast. One last little tip--do some research and figure out which van is going to pick you up. You will have your dry clothes in the van but you will also want to pre-load a cooler with ice and beer. Trust me. After eight hours in e sun, that beer will taste better than beer has a right to.

This summer, I was not sure if I was ready to begin elephant eating, but I knew I had to start somewhere. I actually knew that a return to Kauai was in my future. Syd and I had always intended to take Spencer. Originally I was devastated to learn that the tour was only offered during the week. I reached out to Kayak Kauai and explained Syd's story. They immediately reached out and said they would make a private tour. Spencer, his girlfriend Kylie, Syd's friends Gloria, and Kelli, and I, all began training--(My body kept reminding me that I last did this 25 years ago). The day itself could not have been better. The cave was even better than in my mind. The first bite of elephant went down smoothly with an ice cold beer to wash the salt out of our mouths.

The next event is coming up soon at the middle of this month. The celebration will be at Kaneohe Yacht Club on Monday the 18th and the scattering of ashes will be held on Tuesday the 19th. Details of this are posted at WYC and KYC and are also on my social media pages--All who knew her are welcome. If you are not able to make the journey, I will try to post pictures.

The Sand Bar itself is pretty special. Over the years we would take our whaler out and load up the paddle boards. That was her thing. She loved being on a board and looking for turtles and rays. One specific time, I had stayed back with the boat and she and Spencer had gone by themselves. About 20 minutes later, they had sprinted back to me. Spencer declared, "it's time to go--There is a large shark."

The area we liked to go was at the bottom of the Sand Bar adjacent to two large coral patches. As Syd and Spencer were cruising down the side, she wanted Spencer to come check out a ray. Spencer had assured her that it was no ray. She insisted it was. It was, in fact, a seven foot shark eating something in a cave. After we pulled the anchor, we went to check it out (no stripes = yay!). The shark could not be bothered with us. We felt very confident from the safety of our whaler. Years later, she and I were in the same exact spot when we spotted a large shark thrashing around. We sprinted back to the boat again. This time it was actually two rays mating. Syd could not stop cackling.

Syd actually chose our living room color as a pale green to remind her of the sandbar. We have hand blown lights in the kitchen to create light patterns on the ceiling that mimic the light in the shallow water. She will be happy there.

The final spot, will be Diamond Head Buoy. When we were first married, I had a little money left over from college. I bought a very used laser for $500. We spent quite a bit of time sailing up past the buoy and surfing the waves. I even had her take sailing lessons from UH so she would be OK if anything happened to me. I did not teach her sailing myself because I am not an idiot. Instead, she went with friends and had a blast.

Diamond Head is also very special to me as it is very challenging and was where I first learned how to sail in extreme conditions. I once broke my mast coming back from sailing to Hawaii Kai. The bottom section of my mast broke  just as I arrived at Black Point where the conditions begin to get extreme. I could not get the bottom section off as I had duct taped the top section to keep it snug. I ended up leveraging the gooseneck of the mast onto the bow of my boat and took a sizable chunk of fiberglass off. After placing the top section in the mast step, I was delighted to discover that I could actually still sail and at I was not going to die. In fact, I was still surfing waves as it was stronger than small craft advisories. I remember thinking that once I got past the nautitorium, I would be able to wave down a tour boat to help me--There were, in fact, no tour boats, as it was too windy. Instead, I sailed down the coast, cut the channel where the surfers would have been (because I could not really turn the boat very easily and tacks were difficult because my hand was cramping for holding the edge of the sail). I entered the channel pretty close to the number 6 channel marker and popped the top section out so i could lay down on the deck and paddle in. That was not even my most extreme day.

My true joy has been seeing generations of kids go to that same buoy. Each of them has created their own memories. The only difference is that now we have a chase boat. I am guessing that once we scatter the final remains of Syd at DH, the task of elephant eating won't be finished, There will be more goodbyes for sure. As it turns out, I have developed taste for elephant--I will probably be visiting these places for the rest of my life.