Syd And Boating— 

Many of you may know that, on our wedding day… right after we said our vows and marched  back down the aisle as husband and wife--You know, right before you turn around to great your  guests one by one as they funnel out of their seats. Right at that time, but before anyone had  actually reached us. Syd turned to me and said—“I want you to know… I f@#king hate sailing.”  It was pretty funny at the time. If you know the story of our first date, this will all make sense.  There was a point where, during gale force winds, she fell off the boat and outside the lifelines  and was clinging to a dangling spinnaker line that was dragging. I thought she was having a  great time because she seemed pretty excited when I pulled her back on board.  

Suffice it to say, she tolerated boating and sailing in general. At first, I thought that was a deal  breaker, and then, over time, I realized that the last thing I wanted to talk about, (after a long day  on the water), was more sailing. It even helped that she would often put it in perspective. She  was, after all, a Federal Probation Officer, with very serious clients and she was either providing  them the support to be real, functioning, citizens of society; or, she was catching them in lies  and behaviors and making the world a safer place by putting them back in prison. Most of the  time, I was not aware of the danger she was in. Occasionally it would slip out, like the time we  were watching the news and there was a guy, and his friend, who had committed the heinous  crime of killing and disposing of his toddler. Syd screamed at the news, I almost shot that guy!!! I  instantly paused the TV, and was like, “Hello… What the F was that!” That is a separate story.  

Syd would also, often point out, that sailors, (and their parents) often take themselves too  seriously. She was known to declare, “It’s not like volleyball, where people are actually trying for  scholarships.” She did understand that it was a real sport although, I have a friend, (Scott  Leppart), who had a young daughter who had a tough day at a sporting event. She was in the  backseat and he was driving her away while trying to relate, to her, by telling her about his  college sailing days at Saint Marys. She famously said, “Sailing is not a sport.” He continued to  elaborate about how it is very skill based and there is a lot of physicality in sailing. He thought  he had won the argument and then he saw her mouthing and muttering the words, “Still not a  sport!’ Syd related to Scott’s daughter. She believed sailing was somewhere between an art and  a sport.  

Syd did take sunfish lessons from my friends at the University of Hawaii Outdoor Rec program  (because I was not an idiot and I knew there was no way my teaching her would be a good  thing). She did it with her friends Ruth and Dee Dee and she had an amazing time. I recently  found the pictures. They are filled with smiles. I did not burden her by mansplaining sailing. My  only advice to her was to not play with the hose. I just thought it would be good for her in case  anything ever happened to me, while we were sailing. She eventually learned how to trapeze  and trim the spinnaker on a Laser II but never raced until a few years ago when she did a few El  Toro regattas double handed with a friend. In typical Syd fashion, she had a blast at that too.  Syd’s favorite boating, however, was going to the sandbar. 

I convinced her that we should get a ghetto whaler and fix it up. My parents had both passed  young and my sister and I had just sold their house. My parents were very frugal and were  waiting for full retirement before they began travelling. They enjoyed their life, here in Hawaii, 

very much and lived by my Dad’s mantra: “Don’t forget you live where most people dream of  vacationing—Do the hike. Go to the beach in winter. Eat food from different cultures.” They did  all that but it was tragic that they did not spoil themselves at least a little. Syd and I invested  almost everything into Spencer’s education and our eventual retirement. We did have a tiny bit  left over for a very cheap boat. (most people know there is no such thing).Initially, Syd was  reluctant when I suggested buying a boat. She had seen some of our friends dump thousands  of dollars into rehabbing engines only to eventually purchase a new one.  

The whaler I found was a piece of crap. Imagine a crappy boat. Now double that. It had two  trees growing in it. The previous owner had painted it with house paint and that was peeling  badly--(It still is). I convinced Syd that we should just scrap the engine and buy a new one along  with a new trailer. A year later we added a heavily reinforced T-top awning to put stand up  boards on. The boat is still very ghetto…. but… the engine is fabulous and once you get to the  sandbar… who cares. Syd’s favorite color is sandbar aqua. She was constantly irritated that I  would tell people I had picked out the color of our house—Specifically our kitchen. The kitchen  even has amazing green glass lights that are blown glass and make intricate patterns on the  ceiling and walls to mimic being at the sand bar. Her all time favorite weekend would include a  beach walk in Kailua with her friends. I would have her check the wind while she was there. I  would also check out Kaneohe Bay as I went to Starbucks. If it was even remotely calm, we  would call each other and scramble to make the day happen. She would pick up food because  (in her own words), “she was food and beverages.” I would get the boat and the boards. We  would call anyone we knew that was also capable of scrambling fast. She loved stand up  boarding around the reefs.  

Her favorite thing was to see turtles or rays. There is a concept in Hawaiian culture called the  Amakua. This is essentially a spirit animal. This could be an owl, a gecko, a shark, or, as Syd  decided for herself—a honu (turtle). She absolutely loved everything about them. There is a side  story about a time, she was paddling furiously toward a ray so she could see it up close.  Spencer kept telling her it was a shark. She assured him it was not. I was at the sandbar with  the boat setting up my kite. The next thing I know the two of them were paddling furiously back  toward me. We pulled anchor and were able to check out a rather large reef shark vigorously  hunting something in a crevice. Despite a few missteps, she never lost her love of being out  there. The record number of turtles we saw in a single day was probably over a hundred. I am  still not sure what caused that.  

Fast forward to today. I was able to go out to our favorite spot with Spencer and Kylie. We  checked the weather last night and all jumped at the chance to make today happen. It was  stellar. The weather was not so great that everyone knew in advance and the bay was over run.  It was the opposite. It was a day, you felt you got away with something. A day, where it was a  billion times better than forecasted. It turned out to be a day filled with Honu. A day where the  water was greener than normal. A day that was hazy enough to make the mountains look  interesting, and yet over cast enough to cool things down. It was a day Syd would have enjoyed.  While Syd, surprised me, by F’n hating sailing, she certainly grew to enjoy it and enjoy being on  the water.